It is a new month so time for a new series. In my personal life this past year I have watched several marriages crumble and end in divorce. Some of them just starting out, others that have been together 40 years. Each one of these has been heartbreaking for me to watch, and leaves me shaking my head in unbelief. These are people I admire, that at one time were deep in love, and leaves me asking the question how did this happen? One thing is for certain if you are not working on your marriage, and your relationship and think divorce is something that only happens to other people….then you are wrong. It can happen to any one. If there is a silver lining to these break ups, it has made me cherish my marriage even more and strive to keep it strong. (Yes I know sometimes it is best for people to get out of a bad relationship, that is not what I am addressing. I am talking about people that simply fall out of love)
I am far from an expert in love, and I am sure Dr. Phil could give you some great advice. But I have been married 10+ years and can honestly say I am head over heals in love with Matt. I adore him in every way, I love him more now than I did the day I married him. There is no one else I would rather spend my day with, than my best friend who happens to be my Husband too. That being said, some days we really get on each others nerves, we do not communicate as well as we should….and well we just do not like each other much. This is normal, it does not matter how much you love someone, we are only human and differences will arise. The key is loving each other despite your differences.
When I first got married I was so blissfully in love, Matt could do no wrong. I loved pampering him, and who cares if he did not take his plate to the sink….I loved taking care of him. Fast forward a few years down the road… Add a few kids in the picture and all of a sudden I am resenting a habit I taught him to do. Thinking, ” Good grief I am NOT your mother, pick up your plate”…… He is clueless and wondering why his sweet little wife is so crabby all the time. He would ask me what was wrong, and I would say, “nothing”. Thinking he would read between the lines and see that I was overwhelmed and NOT ok. But instead he took my “nothing” as it was and assumed everything was in fact fine. It took some time to realize this cycle did not work, and communication was the key to us having a happy marriage.
I learned that I can not change Matt, my negative actions and words only poison a relationship. In this world the only person I can change or control is myself. But I also have the power to love, uplift and inspire. When Matts “emotional cup” is full, he is then able to fill my emotional cup as well. Talking about and learning one another’s love language is critical ( the book The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman
This is something I have to work on everyday, and yes it takes effort. But a wonderful investment, because in return I get someone who understands me, loves me and makes everyday easier knowing I have my best friend at my side.
I know many people feel Valentines Day is too commercial and does not really mean much because it is just one day. So my challenge for your all this month is to fall in love again in 28 days. Over the month of February, I challenge you to do put aside any issues or thoughts of what you want back in return. For the next 28 days, daily show a random act of love. DO NOT TELL them why you are doing it or how long it will last, just make sure that you do it daily. If you want to report back as to how it was received, and what you plan to do next. You can spend as little or as much as you want….but being that we are Thrifty, most of these ideas are free…. being that love is an emotion that is earned not purchased.
Here a a few ideas of what you can do, and please share your ideas as well:
- Flirt with your husband daily
- Have a candle light dessert after the kids are in bed
- Read a good book together
- Watch a movie you both enjoy, and hold hands while watching it
- Have a spa day at home
- Give him a fun little message on his phone, that is unexpected
- Smile at him…. all day.
- Give him a wink, and let him know he still “lights your fire”
- Write him a note, telling him how much you love him
- Send a love letter with his lunch
- Send a love letter, in his pocket that he will find later
- Write him a message on the bathroom mirror
- Get a $1 store shower curtain, and cover it with hearts and love notes and hang it up for an early morning surprise
- Give him a hug, and hold on just a little longer than normal
- Listen to him talk about what is on his mind, or what excites him (even if it is video games, politics, hunting or something you care less about,)
- Give him a foot rub
- Get a baby sitter and go on a date (something I hope you are doing a few times a month anyway)
- After the kids are in bed, sneak outside and watch the stars snuggled up in a double sleeping bag
What are your ideas? What are your experiences at the 28 Days of Random Acts of Love – good or bad…
At the end of the month, one random comment will win a $25 gift card to spend on your self or make a special date…
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My husband and I were married in the temple in salt lake city. (We are LDS). A fun/romantic/(to us) and very great/worthwhile date to us is often going to the temple together. When we are there, we do work for other people. It helps us to remember our blessings, and the day of our wedding, kneeling at that alter looking into one anothers eyes where his grandfather married us.
Not only is it breathtakingly beautiful but we remember our vows and promises we took to be married to one another and love one another for ALL eternity.
When we leave we are much nicer to one another, holding hands, kissing, and in great moods. We treat eachother better.
I know it may sound boring or strange to some but its something that holds us and our marriage together. It is so important to us and we love remembering that.
PS. we like going at night when the temple is all lit up and beautiful. We live in vegas so its a wonderful escape for us. Its away from all the hussle and bussle
Another thing I try to do when I feel well is to make up his plate at meal time. My dh always seems to appreciate this and says it tastes better if I make it up for him. lol He also says coffee tastes better if I make it, so I do even though I can’t stand the taste of the stuff.
Yucky I know, but my now fiancé says he new I was the one when I shaved his back for him before our first beach trip together. Now I try to do it for him every few weeks because it makes him feel better about himself.
I have had a very trying year, soon after my husband and I got married last year, everything fell apart. It started with our honeymoon being ruined by a flight delay. My car broke down on our way to meet his family and 9 months later is costing over $19k to fix (its only worth $10k!). He deployed to Afghanistan and I was rear ended in his car which lead to finding out I have SLE (Lupus). All of this has had me not working (I generated half of our necessary income) and the stress is through the roof, along with a lot of debt. We are in out late 20s and have no children and have been in long term relationships before we met. We have fallen out of love and I am trying to fix myself to help keep us together and he refuses to give up. I have been desperately tying to do something to be a better wife and partner, but everything that you hope never happens, has within less than a year! I know this isn’t a place to post, but I have so few outlets anymore as my life went from picture perfect to nightmare. He has developed a temper and I have developed a way to make it worse. If anyone has had a series of catastrophic events happen and make it through, I would appreciate any advice. I love reading how in love people are, I miss it, and have tried some of the small things that I was able to do before I was sick but at this point everything seems to lead to a fight about stupid things that don’t matter.
We have been happily married for 17 years and have three beautiful sons. But our schedules are opposite of each other. He works the night shift and sleeps during the day and I work during the day and take care of the kids and house when he is at work.
When we were first dating, we loved going to a different restaurant every weekend. Well those days are long gone… But now I have a new job working at home and my husband evening schedule has changed. So now we have the afternoons together. So we have an afternoon “date” to new a diner or inexpensive restaurant once a week. It gives us time to talk, laugh and enjoy food just like we used to. The other day, we slipped and told our sons we had gone to a particular restaurant. They were shocked we were going out, while they were at school. My husband and I laughed!
We say prayers together at night, companion prayers. I also write him a little note letting him know what I appreciate about him that he has done recently and tuck it into his lunch. If he is home for lunch I try to pamper him and warm it up for him. I’ll get up from a meal and refill his glass with water something I have done since we have been married and I still try to continue to do. We hold hands when we go on walks, even if it is just walking to church and I try to sit by him at church and convince our children to sit on either side of us. If he is away for overnight work I try to tuck little notes into his clothes and personals bag. We wink at each other when across the room to let each other know we love each other. Just some of little things we do.
My husband travels a lot with his job. Last week I called the hotel where he was staying to get their address. I then mailed an overnight package to him with an ‘I miss you’ card and some home made goodies including his favorite, mini rum cakes. I also included some coupons I had found for snacks he likes to purchase when he’s traveling. He called me the night he received the package to tell me he was very surprised and felt so loved….he is. It was great being able to do something nice for him even when he’s miles away.
After my husband had gone to bed the night before Valentine’s Day last year, I used Armor All and cleaning supplies to clean and polish the interior of his car by washing windows, polishing surfaces, cleaning crevices, and vacuuming carpets. I tied the steering wheel with a huge red ribbon, attached a handwritten Valentine note and waited for him to find it. He was so impressed and grateful and his co-workers were oh so jealous. Somethings are priceless(and free) particularly, acts of love.
When I miss my hubby I text him and say, “Bring your thing here” or ” I am bent over and ready.”
Try these
We love to watch TV together after the kids go to bed, usually in our jammies. Sometimes to spice things up i’ll wear my ‘fancy occasion’ lacy underthings to watch TV in instead (but I always have a throw blanket handy in case a kiddo comes downstairs unexpectedly!).
My husband creates one holiday a month for just us(I love you day, Ashley day, you choose day) He will always start the holiday off with a gift for me and a love letter. I just love my husband so much. Isn’t he so romantic!
My hubbby and I are both night owls so the last two nights when we were cuddling in bed and he said he was hungry, normally if I get him anything he gets toast or cereal. I got up and made him breakfast…@ 2:30 in the morning being blurry eyed I actually made him a full blown breakfast including homemade sausage patties his favorite…tonight I have homemade chicken wings in the oven (thanks to albertsons deal this week) good thing we don’t have weight problems. lol He has been very thankful and it actually makes him feel better in the morning if he eats late at night. So two fold benefit!
The biggest thing for me is to pray for my husband, daily. Sometimes I’ll try to say a sincere prayer in his ear as he leaves for work. It helps me to stay alert to HIS needs and lets him know how much he’s loved.
I read everyone’s posts, and there are some very funny stories and great ideas – some I might use. We are celebrating our 15th wedding anniversary this month and I needed some ideas. My husband and I also have read “Love and Respect” and went to the video conference for it. It is worth the time. I learned a whole lot about my husband and what makes him tick and he learned the same about me.
The most important thoughtful thing I do for him though, is tell him often, how much I appreciate him and how hard he works for our family. He works in construction, so his hands are calloused and scarred and beat up and I let him know how sexy that is. This makes him smile every time.
I guess what I’m really trying to say is -
When I spend time thinking/doing something for my husband not only do I show my love but it helps my love for him grow.
Sorry I left this comment in the wrong spot first. -
Change the ringer on his phone to something special when you call It can be your song, something sweet, something funny, it doesn’t matter. Each time you call there will be a smile on his face.
I changed my husbands to a kitty meowing and everyone would look around for a cat when I called him! Then I changed it to Barbie Girl b/c our kids liked it – my step son does not like to be around when my husbands phone rings! lol. My husband is impossible to embarrass so it is fun to play with his ringer. Besides putting a smile on his face it puts one on mine. The time I spend thinking up a new ringer is fun and often makes me giggle…….and I get that warm fuzzy feeling thinking of my honey.
Tonight I’m changing it to “When You Say Nothing At All” by Alison Krause
Before getting married my husband lived in Chicago and i live in Texas. I couldn’t decide what to get him for valentines so one time i had a great idea. He loves barbque and shiner bock neither that you find in chicago so i flew up to chicago with two boxes of texas barbque from his favorite restraunt and 2 12packs of shiner bock i got several offers on my goods but there was only one man they were for. He was all smiles when he saw what i was getting off that plane with. Another time i could not make it up and i knew what restraunt he was going to have dinner at so i called the restraunt and paid the check and sent him a great bottle of wine to his table. He was sooo suprised i got a suprise visit that week.
wake up really early before he leaves for work to write with car markers all over his car things like “sexy hubby on board” or “best husband ever” draw hearts and things like that. I did this and on the back I wrote “honk if you love your man” my husband mentioned that he really enjoyed the attention and it was a nice public way to show my love for him
I don’t know if anyone else has shared this idea yet but something i did last year and my husband really liked was to get up really early on v-day and surprise him by writing all over his truck with those car markers, red and white. I wrote things like “best husband ever” or “sexy hubby on board” then in the back i put “Honk if you love your man”. His face when he went out on the driveway was priceless. He got we drove to church with the messages all over his truck and ladies kept honking and even one guy pulled up next to him and gave him a thumbs up. He said that was really sweet and that he enjoyed all the attention. I’m planning to do it again this year but while he’s at work so when he gets out of work he will be surprised
Our anniversary was yesterday, and I had planned on surprising him after school, however our oldest daughter got sick and I decided I couldn’t leave her with a sitter. So, instead, I made a bunch of paper hearts (sick daughter helped) and bought a super cheep lipstick. Then we went to his school and decorated his car. I wrote some I love yous and Happy Anniversaries and drew some hearts with the lipstick, and my daughter and I taped the hearts all over the car. Then I made his favorite foods for dinner. I’d say it was a pretty good anniversary, considering we’ll have to wait to really “celebrate”
I’ve called him while he was at work and (something I have never done!) asked if he wanted to come home for a “quickie” he said sure ! Then called back and said “my Sergeant is coming too.”
WHAT !?! He thought I said cookie! Needless to say he already told his sergeant that I was making cookies and invited him over. Boy am I thankful I have those Betty Crocker cookie mix’s in the garage ! It was pretty funny, and I think I set a record changing and making cookies in under 3 minutes !
Last night I “Heart attacked” his truck with love notes. He gets up at 5am and leaves for work. I got a VERY cold kiss this morning
Get the smaller poster boards (11 x 14 I think). Make signs on them showing how proud you are of him, how much you love him, etc. Drive his route to work and post these on telephone poles, light poles, etc. He will see him the next day on his way to work. My husband and I have both done this for each other. I worked at an elementary school one year and the last “sign” was on a tree right outside the school with a bouquet of balloons. So cute!!! And everybody knew I had a great husband
I have done 14 days of random acts of kindness beginning on Feb 1 and ending on Feb 14th. Here are some of my thrifty ideas:
Kisses and Hug candies in the shower (you could tape them all inside his vehicle.
1) a letter written with conversation hearts (you can be very sensual if you want)
2) sidewalk chalk on his parking spot (you could do this at his job site or parking place at work or home)
3) CD of “your songs” and romantic music. I photo copies a picture of me and added a title for the CD cover and on the disc (you can buy CD stickers)
4) Lipstick kisses on his truck/car window with a little message
5) surprise him at work with dessert and/or lunch
6) a note in his lunch, shower, and/or planner
7) I had one of my kids trace my body on butcher paper, sprayed it with my perfume, and wrote a cute poem on the cut out of myself and put it in his truck
9) I mailed him a letter and then sent him to get the mail that day
10) Made his favorite dinner and made sure something was in the shape of a heart with the saying “Your Name + Husbands Name = t.l.a (true love always)
11) made one of those paper fortune tellers that had very very nice things in the fortune part (remember making these in school?)
12) I blind folded him and took him to a special place of ours (could be a park, ice cream store, Mountains…somewhere close)
13) Sent him a fun text message and then I went to his work and gave him a heart attack on his truck (when you put hearts all over the place with sayings (quotes, things you love, funny gestures)
14) had my neighbor watch the children and I made a romantic dinner for just him. I had a pillowcase made with my picture on it so whenever he goes out of town he can take it with him and pretend I am sleeping next to him. I then also wrote a letter that had all the reason why I love him!
** you could make all these more extravagant if you want. I was on a tight tight budget last year and so these are the ones that I came up with!
My husband and I work opposite shifts, so I will leave him a random note when I go to bed so he sees it before he has to leave for work.
My husband travels often,I leave him little notes and a chocolate kiss in his luggage where he will find them.
Ship the kiddos off to family or friends without him knowing and when he gets home, leave him a clue that leads him on a wild goose chase…in search of YOU!!! Once he finds you, use your imagination…
We only have one bathroom so our son’s bath toys are in our bathroom too. He has a set of foam alphabet letters that are always on the wall in the shower. I work a few hours earlier than him, so we aren’t up at the same time but every morning we leave each other fun messages with the foamies, seeing what we can come up with for each other with only one of each letter of the alphabet. It’s a riot and starts out our day thinking about each other.
I leave to work before my honey, so i leave him notes attached to the milk or cereal or something, so i know he will see it each morning. He then sends me a text saying “thanks baby i love you have a SUPER DOOPER day”. its the best way to start of our mornings.
I feel like your recent blog posts are a hammer knocking down a wall of pride from inside myself in regards to my marriage. (That’s probably a good thing). After reading Matt’s last post, I realized that I have been putting “I” and “me” above all others-including my son at times, and the strain has really been present. I don’t know if it’s the after-Christmas bills blues and all that, but it’s like the stress has just boomed. So, I will try this 28 days challenge–it can only produce good in the end, right?
Diana, the best advise my mom has even given me is ” when you feel like you do not want to be nice or show affection towards someone, that is normally when they need it the most. It may take everything you have….but do it and it will be a blessing in the end”….she has been right time and time again!
Leaving stickie notes on the bathroom mirror with “I love you” written on it so it is the first thing they see when they wake up.
First, I always set out out my husbands work clothes for him before I go to bed at night, and fill up the coffee maker so all he has to do is hit the switch. Then every night after he gets home I try to think of 3 different things to compliment him on throughout the evening. At first it was hard to think of different things but then it starts to come very naturally.
I put little notes in his lunch cooler so at lunch time he gets a little reminder that I love him!!
Today I let my husband go on a golfing outing with his brother. Golfing is his 2nd passion in life. His first is me, so I was happy to give him me time cuddles this morning, and golf the rest of the afternoon
He came home so happy, and just seeing his happy face when he got home made me happy. Two happy people = a happy marriage. And yes, he lets me do things I want to do to.
Read “Love and Respect” Emerson Eggrichs and talk about it. I had been married to my husband and best friend for about 17 years and learned some things that have made a huge difference in our marriage. It can get better and better.
Take a Jar – and write all the reasons you love him or fell in love with him. Sometimes we all need reminded.
On Valentines Day – we like to go to his work and give his car a Heart Attack
we cut up tons of hearts and put them all over his car.
I had to laugh at the “what are you wearing comment..” my husband answered the phone that way when our caller ID indicated it was me calling from work…um…it was my boss!! LOL
Thanks for this it has come just at the right time. My husband and I will be celebrating our anniversary soon and for the first time in our married lives thought we might have a little money to spend as it turns out that isn’t going to happen. This has been especially distressing to my husband, I hope by showing hime this list it will make him feel a little better. I don’t really care either way its always been the everyday things for me an unexpected back rub or just taking me to run errands, when he would rather stay home but he knows I like him with me, supporting me in my couponing pursuits.
My husband and I have a “love book.” Whenever one of us feels like writing a love note we put it in this book and hide it where the other will find it. I love looking back at the notes from over the years!
Well this isn’t particularly thrifty (the remaining 27 days will be!), but today I bought tickets to go to the Parade of Roses (in Pasadena, CA) next New Year’s Day. This is something my husband has *always* wanted to do. I am not a parade person; I am not a crowds person; I am not a traveling person. But I decided to just go for it, and so I bought them. Even bought tickets to the equestrian event a few days earlier (to meet the riders and see the horses), as my daughter LOVES horses. I am ITCHING to give my husband this gift…and am trying to hold out until Valentine’s Day.
Tomorrow’s “gift” will be $0. Think I’ll take him a cup of coffee while he’s in the shower.
Wow, what timing! This morning it just worked out where my husband got up a little later than he usually does (he makes his own hours), and while I was making the kids’ breakfast, I made an extra for him and brought him breakfast in bed. I like this, and I’m going to continue for the rest of the month…the rest of our lives!
Last year I gave my husband a “Heart Attack”. I wrote reasons why I loved him on about 25 construction paper hearts and left them in various places. Some places were obvious, like the bathroom mirror, others he would find later, such as inside his Bible and in his wallet. It was fun to tell him the many ways he blesses me and he appreciated the affirmation.
What my husband and I do is each month we both get to pick a weekend out and we get to pick what we want to do. For example one weekend I picked “baby mommy weekend” during Sunday and Monday (his off days) its his job to cook and take care of the dog (its our kid). Sometimes he treats me to dinner out, or a trip to the spa just another way to showing how much he appreciates me. Here is quick a few weekends we’ve done, “baby mommy or daddy weekend,” movie weekend, you cook weekend, or lazy weekend. This has seemed to really work for us. It shows each other how much we appreciate one another. We always seem to race to the calender to see who gets their weekend first.
I also like to send him pictures or fun text messages. Sometimes it brightens his day
Although it can be hard to think of new things to say or take pictures of. Last week I took a picture of our youngest at soccer tots and sent it to him. He can’t be there to take her but he can see pictures and hear about it.
I have started to use thrifty ideas for date nights and we’ve never had so much fun! For example a groupon that I’m excited about is for two people to race at an indoor go kart place plus we get one appetizer to share and two fountain drinks – for $25! Sure beats the movies. I
I like to leave random notes like previous posters have said. It is something I used to do a lot and fell out of the habit. I like to leave them in his car or on his work clothes that I set out.
beautiful advice. your advice > Dr. Phil
. Last year I snuck a gift under my husband’s pillow and went to sleep (or atleast pretended to) 5 minutes before him. It was great when he came in and found the gift. Will try these ideas for sure. tyvm.
I purchased the His & Hers KY jelly this week for my sweetie. It was something he has wanted to try for a while but I’m a little too reserved (plus they are normally $20 each). I had a Rite Aid video reward coupon for the KY from last month and another one from this month. I also had two manufacturing coupons for $5 each. Rite Aid had them on sale – buy one get one half off. I used all of the above coupons plus the $4, $2, and two $1 video reward coupons off of any purchase from this month. I got two of them for around $5. A thifty deal and my husband was very happy that I thought of him and cared enough to buy it (and be seen buying it)
Its Matt – I know my comment doesnt count but Sarah just called and at the end of the conversation (when i knew it was her and not the kids calling) I quickly asked in a sly voice – “So what are ya wearing”…just enough to through her off and maybe let her know i was think of her and attracted to her,,,
I wake up at 4:30 am and make coffee and lunch for my husband (he takes his lunch to work)… I have put a little “love note” in his lunch every single day for the past 13 years.
Sneak his cell phone when he isn’t looking and take a picture of yourself holding a sign that says “I love you” or some other similar message, and save it as the background for his phone. That way everytime he uses his phone, he gets a reminder.
it is not important of what you do, but that you do something.
that is a good idea, and see how long it is until he notices, or if he does at all.
the shower curtain..i remember you so embarassed that the ward came and helped clean inside and outside your house when you had matthew and your bathroom shower curtain with your little ‘love messages’ was what you were the most worried about. i will write notes to my husband on the steamed up mirror in the bathroom when he is showering.
My favorites are to leave a card in his car to find after work, take him a hot towel after a shower and breakfast in bed together.
Put sticky-notes on things he uses daily or will at least use within the month (a bottle of beer in the six-pack, on the back side of his shaving cream bottle, taped above the handles in the shower, above the driver’s side visor, inside the top of a covered trashcan he always ends up emptying, in his outdoor boots or attached to the dog’s leash since he’s the one that walks the dog, you get the idea). He may not find them right away, but he will eventually and it’s good to spread them out throughout the month.
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