Falling in love with your family

Falling in Love with Your Family by Alison

Tagged as: Falling in love with your family, GPS, Positive parenting

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Have Yourself a Merry Imperfect Christmas

12/23/2012 2:00 pm · 0 comments

by Alison

My very imperfect Nutcrackers

I bought these little wooden Nutcracker Ornaments when they were cheaper than dirt last January. I saw them not as the unfinished product they were, legs and arms tangled in the reject bin, but as they would be–the focal point of my lovely tree, painted in glittering red, blue, and green, maybe even with tiny brass buttons on their little jackets.

But busyness hijacked the first weeks of December and I finally put them, unfinished, on my nearly-naked tree. Then sickness hijacked last week, and I have spent more time Lysol-ing the house and snuggling fevered kids than caring about crafts. That’s not to say that the Nutcrackers have been ignored. They have danced, dangled, and dropped all of December, compliments of my three youngest children. They’ve gone to battle, engaged in meaningful conversations, and lost a shoe or too. They’ve even had their hair trimmed, the little piles of white fuzz still sitting on my kitchen counter.

Last night after the humidifier was going and the sick ones were finally asleep, I wandered downstairs. I saw that some child had decided that Nutcrackers must be social animals because all of them had been moved to the same branch of the tree. They were an unruly, comical sight, and I had to smile after a long day. I thought for a minute about spacing them out around the tree and I even thought about staying up late and finally getting them painted. But I think I’ll leave them alone (until they’re relocated by the next creative burst from my children). Maybe they are a more accurate symbol of the way Christmas should be…totally imperfect.

In my struggle for meaningful experiences for my family, I often fall into the trap of thinking that things need to be perfect in order to be meaningful. I want everyone to laugh and smile as they decorate the tree, keep their fingers out of the icing, and not hit each other in the back seat of the car on the way to do a good deed. I want family visits to be ideal, and meals to look like they did in the magazine. But sometimes my kids throw tantrums on Christmas morning instead of smiling rosy-cheeked for the camera. Instead of gleefully playing with toys, one threw up in her brother’s Christmas stocking two years ago. It is easy to feel disappointed or even angry when things go wrong when we’ve tried to make things nice for our families. But trying to make things perfect usually just makes things stressful and leaves us feeling more like Scrooge than Santa.

Maybe there is no such thing as a perfect Christmas. And maybe that’s good. Maybe the point is, in the middle of it all, to find Peace instead of Perfection. Peace in finding ways to give others joy. Peace in taking quiet time to think about the reality of angels rejoicing over a baby in a manger. Peace in embracing the quirkiness and unpredictability of real life; of giving up the perfect tree in favor of a big clump of unpainted Nutcrackers. Instead of worrying about some illusive image of what Christmas should be, I think I’ll follow their lead. I’ll embrace imperfection and just go snuggle up tight with those I love.

I hope you have a very peaceful, very merry, very imperfect Christmas.

Tagged as: 2012 Christmas gift, children, Falling in love with your family, Imperfect Christmas, Parenting

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Havin’ Fun While You Get The Job Done

12/16/2012 10:00 am · 0 comments

by Alison

In a Nutshell: Cleaning the house isn’t usually up there on our top ten fun holiday activities. But with a little creativity, you can send Scrooge packing and create a house full of helpful little elves.

Christmas company is coming and the house isn’t ready. Kids make one mess as quickly as you clean one up and are as helpful as a dead snail. Your nostrils start flaring and your blood pressure starts bubbling. Suddenly, your house is occupied by the Mommy Monster. This strange creature shouts out orders, delivers demands, and passes out threats about throwing away all the fudge (gasp) if the house isn’t clean before Grandma gets here. Merry Christmas indeed.

It doesn’t have to be that way! While it will always be a challenge to motivate children to work instead of play, maybe some of the following ideas will help you keep the Mommy Monster hidden safely away in the closet and still get the house spiffed up for the holidays.

1. Boogie

Organizational guru Marla Cilley (aka the FlyLady) wisely teaches, “You can’t organize clutter.” Now is the perfect time to get rid of that extra stuff that makes it so hard to clean up! FlyLady gives parents a fabulous tool called a “Boogie.” A Boogie is a quick visit to a room to collect junk to donate or throw away. Make a game of out de-cluttering and see how much you can fling! You can set a goal for a number of items to get rid of, or try to fill a whole bag. Put your donation bag in the car to drop off at your local shelter or Goodwill and toss the trash. Let go of the clutter now and you’ll thank yourself Christmas Morning! (For more information on managing CHAOS with FlyLady’s fun system, visit her website.)

2. The Great Race

Most kids will fall for the “Beat Mom” trick. Challenge your kids to get done with their list of chores before you finish yours. You can also play girls versus boys or divide into teams. Grab a cheap trophy from the thrift store when you go to donate your junk, and let the winner get bragging rights and display privileges for the trophy. Next time, help someone else win. You may be surprised how much work you can get out of your kids for the opportunity to show off a $1.99 bowling trophy!

3. Make-Believe Magic

Is your child in princess mode? Play “Tidy up the Castle” and pretend that you are maids hurrying to prepare for the Queen’s visit. Go ahead and put on an apron yourself and take on the role of head housekeeper. Besides, you really can’t chew anyone out if you are talking in a British accent.

If your little one is into space, be astronauts and decontaminate the planet by removing toxic slime from the bathroom sink. If they are all about robots, program “Pick up the legos” into their control panel (which must conclude with a good tickle on their belly button). Fly around like a butterfly, stomp around like a dinosaur, or give a sweet Ninja kick. Whatever it takes to keep them working and you smiling!

4. Energy Pills

When the kids start dragging on big chore days (like, after 7 minutes), a little treat is sometimes all it takes to buy another 7 minutes or so. I pair the treat with some good positive reinforcement. I freely admit to using M&M’s on occasion, but more health-conscious parents can substitute raisins or another healthy snack. Ask who needs more energy, pop a little treat in their mouth, and praise your children for how quickly they are working. Then, go into the closet to finish the rest of the bag of M&M’s and praise yourself for not yelling at your kids .

5. Dance the Job Done

Crank up your favorite Christmas tunes and dance your way to a clean house! If kids see you model happiness and efficiency in cleaning, it will buy you way more compliance than the Mommy Monster storming from room to room shouting out orders and criticizing your kids’ efforts. Lighten up and have some fun. Music is a great mood-enhancer, and can help remind you that the holidays are about more than clean ceiling fixtures and fingerprint-free doors. It is about loving those around us and making our home a happy place to be. So relax, plan some games ahead of time, and have some fun while you get the job done.

Tagged as: cleaning tips, Parenting

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Helping Children Though a Crisis

12/14/2012 6:46 pm · 0 comments

by Alison

Tonight, many parents will hold their child a little longer at bedtime. They might pause for a moment as they walk out of the room to look at the little form under the covers, and think of the parents who won’t be singing lullabies tonight. The tragedy in Newtown Connecticut devastated that town, but the sadness has rippled into all our homes.

Whether through their own experiences like a death in the family or hearing tragic news from across the country, all families have experiences that shake their world. How do we help children deal with tragedy? Dan Daly, Ph.D. is the Director of Youth Care at an organization dear to my heart, Boys Town. He offers some great suggestions to help children cope with a crisis:

Everyone is hard-wired to recover from crisis events and has “built-in” coping mechanisms.
It is normal for kids to feel upset, sad, confused or afraid after something bad happens; let your child know it’s okay to have these feelings.
Always be available to talk and listen to your child, but don’t force children to talk about their feelings.
Parents, friends and teachers are the best sources of support, caring and understanding.
Getting kids back to their normal activities as soon as possible promotes coping and healing.
Give kids time and space to sort through their feelings.
Monitor kids and stay vigilant as the healing process continues, even months after the event.
If kids can’t get back to their normal life, show unusual changes in their routines or give other signals they are struggling, seek professional help. (Read the full article here.)

It isn’t easy to cope with tragedy, but parents can serve as guides to help their children navigate hard times. They can give honest, age-appropriate information. Kids need to know that we will always be truthful, so saying things like, “We don’t have people like that here” or “We will never have an earthquake” can undermine our efforts to comfort them. Statements like, “I will do everything I can to keep you safe” are more reassuring than making impossible promises. It is also important to give kids lots of opportunities to talk, but not to force the subject. Sometimes hearing a parent express their feelings of grief or sadness about an event makes it safer for kids to open up about their concerns.

Another thing that may be useful during hard times is to help direct grief into positive and proactive channels. Even though there may be evil and destructive people in the world, children can feel empowered when they address the problem by having opportunities to do something good. They can donate money to the Red Cross after a natural disaster, make a card for a friend whose parents have divorced, or include victims of tragedies in a special prayer. Parents can ask, “What do you think we could do?” Listening to their solutions and allowing them to follow their naturally giving hearts can be an important part of a child’s healing.

Humans aren’t cocoon-building creatures, but on days like today I’d give anything for one big enough for seven. I may not be able to stop instability and sadness in the world, but today I will do my very best to keep it from happening in my house. I will criticize my children less and encourage them more. I’ll hold them a little closer and teach them a little better. The world might be filled with hate, but my family will know without a doubt that there is love, too. Lots and lots of love. And while we talk and cry and pray about the tragedy there, I will do all I can to create peace on earth right here. And when I tuck them in tonight, I’ll say a prayer of thanks. Because even with all the challenges of raising children, today reminds me that every day I get to have them is gift.

Tagged as: dealing with crisis, newton connecticut, Parenting

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6 Simple Ways To Make It A Meaningful Holiday!

12/06/2012 12:00 pm · 0 comments

by Alison

The arrival of December too often corresponds with the arrival of ulcers. The holidays are supposed to be a joyful time, but too often we get caught up in expectations and forget to celebrate. Here are some suggestions for making the Holiday Season more meaningful for your family.

1. Focus on your religious tradition

Don’t forget the whole point of the celebration! When we keep the commercial aspect of the holiday in check, we leave room for the spirit of the events that we hold dear. Keep church meetings, service projects, scripture readings, and other religious traditions at the center of your celebration.

2. Explore another religious traditions

The month of December is a special month for many world cultures. If you are Christian, consider learning more about Hanukkah and the miracle of the oil. There are delicious Jewish food that are prepared this time of year, and children love playing games with the dreidel. Consider talking about the principles of Kwanzaa with your family: Unity, self-determination, collective work and responsibility, cooperative economics, purpose, creativity, and faith. Even though religious and cultural traditions have much to separate them, celebrating other holidays helps children develop an open mind towards others, and can give insights into their own beliefs.

3. Party like your Ancestors

One of our favorite traditions is choosing a country our ancestors come from, and learning what a traditional Christmas looked like in those countries. We’ve made figgy puddy when we focused on England, enjoyed our shortbread and learned the Highland Fling as we got to know our Scottish ancestors, and enjoyed days of great Swiss chocolate. An easy internet search or a trip to the library will help you gather ideas for games, foods, and activities that can help you connect with your family’s past. If you don’t know where you come from, this is a great chance to ask older relatives, look on familysearch.org, or sign-up for ancestry.com.

4. Go for a Theme

Maybe there is a theme that can unify your efforts this Christmas. One example of this would be to have a “Little House on the Prairie” Christmas. The books are filled with great descriptions of Laura’s holiday celebrations, and there are even Little House recipe books available. Even the stockings could contain what the books describe. You could also focus on another time period and have a traditional Colonial Christmas, or create the holiday meal of Lewis and Clark.

5. Remember: You don’t have to be like your neighbor

Much of the stress that comes from the Holidays is from looking around and buying into the media’s opinion of what our celebration needs to look like, feel like, and cost. We don’t all have to do things the same way! We’re not in a contest with our friends and family to see who can have the cutest hand-made stockings, or the biggest presents under the tree. Be creative, be content, and do things your own way.

6. Enjoy the Journey

Most memories are made by our attitudes, not by the event. Choosing a Christmas tree or going on a sleigh ride can be a terrible experience for kids if parents have short tempers. But even cleaning the house or getting lost on a trip can be wonderful memories if parents meet the challenge with a sense of humor. Focus on your family, and let yourself have a meaningful, magical Holiday Season.

Tagged as: christmas, family, traditions

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Keeping Kids Busy in the Kitchen on Thanksgiving

11/22/2012 7:00 am · 2 comments

by Alison

I visited my 91-year-old grandma Lucille last month. She is in a care center across the state and is starting to forget. As we talked, she drifted between warm, witty conversation and random comments that didn’t make sense. I cried for a long time when I left, knowing this would probably be the last time she knows my name and may be the last visit we have. But she remembered the can opener story. I was so glad.

I don’t know if I remember the event, or if my imagination has supplied the visual to go along with the story I’ve heard so many times, but at one family gathering, she sat me on her kitchen counter and taught me to use a can opener. I’m sure it was a distraction technique to keep an active little girl busy during hectic meal preparation. She said that she showed me how the can opener worked, and then put a big pile of cans in front of me and told me to go at it. A can opener is such an insignificant thing, but it built a bit of the bond between us, kind of an inside joke. At most holiday meals that followed, she brought up that day, and I cherish the memory.

This week, many will spend more time than usual in the kitchen. Many will spend that time with children hanging on their legs, asking to help, begging for tastes, finding all kinds of mischief, and making incredible amounts of noise. A kid in the kitchen can be like the proverbial bull in the china shop, but with a little creativity, you can cook up some memories along with your turkey. Apart from the obvious bowl-stirring and beater-licking, here are a few easy and thrifty ideas to help keep kids busy in the kitchen.

Cup Stacking Champion

Give your child a stack of paper cups, and teach them the art of cup stacking. You can do a simple 5 on the bottom, 4, 3, 2, 1 pattern, or get online and see the crazy sport that cup stacking has become. Let them use a digital kitchen timer if you have one and race the clock and each other. Yesterday, my 4-year-old spend 30 minutes (eternity for him) stacking Dixie cups while I put groceries away.

Simple Chef

Even a very young child can combine ingredients. Since Thanksgiving Dinner always seems to be late, have a child make a healthy snack while they wait. You could put cereal, dried fruit, nuts, seeds, and other trail mix ingredients in separate bowls. Let your child mix it up however they want and feel like a real cook.

Dirty Rag Contest

Give each child a sanitizer wipe, or a paper towel sprayed with cleaner. Set the clock, say “Go,” and send them to a room to see who can get their rag the dirtiest. Obviously, this “trick” doesn’t work as well with older kids, but when my kids were younger, they would be so excited to help me clean this way!

Sink and Float

Gather some kitchen utensils and fill the sink with water. Let your preschooler try each item and see whether it sinks or floats. Ask them why they think it did or didn’t float. Some kids can spend hours at this game!

Kitchen Scale

Many people own a kitchen scale for weighing ingredients or for diet programs. Gather random kitchen gadgets, produce, and canned food, and let kids see how much things weigh. Older children can even add up the combined weight of the dish you are preparing.

The Leaning Tower of…Stove Top?

Let them go to town building a town with your stuffing boxes and cake mixes. It’s pretty amazing that kids can create such amazing castles out of cereal boxes!

ABC Hunt

Send kids on an ABC hunt in the kitchen. They could find letters on packages, or the letter items begin with (A for Apple, B for Butterball turkey, etc.). If they like this, after the alphabet is done, send them to find Pilgrim, Squanto, Mayflower, Plymouth, and Thankful.

Here, Doggie Doggie

Each of my children has spent time on the kitchen floor with a bowl of water and a bowl of cereal “dog food.” They are usually barking and have spots drawn on their faces, or are meowing with whiskers on their cheeks. Amazingly, they have all turned out just fine! Sometimes, when you are tired of the yelling, you’ll take barking and begging hands down.

Attracting some Quiet

If you have a powerful magnet on the fridge, let kids wander through the kitchen and see which things are magnetic. Get excited with them when they discover something.

Can Opener

If all else fails, teach your child or grandchild to open a can of food and then make them feel like they are the most amazing child in the world because they did it.

Tomorrow can be a busy, hectic day for those on kitchen duty. But every day is a chance to make some memories. Hopefully these ideas may inspire some of your own and you can find thrifty, creative ways to keep kids busy in the kitchen. I’m so thankful a busy grandma took time not just to make our meal, but to build our relationship. I hope I can learn from her and remember that food gets forgotten, but memories are forever.

Happy Thanksgiving!