This weekend I thought about never blogging again… all it took was one text and being far away from home.
Last year I shared a story and video with you about Mia. A radiant little girl with golden curls, simply beautiful. Mia was born needing a heart transplant to survive. She was given that amazing gift thanks to the selfless sacrifice of another. A few days ago we shared an update with you on our facebook page. I did not know many of the details only that Mia was back in the hospital. Mia was on a Make A Wish trip to Disney World in Florida when she took a turn for the worse. Instead of spending her week with Minnie Mouse she was now hooked up to life support.
I have been at a conference in Georgia and hearing this news while away from my family really tugged at my heart. But I went along with my activities as normal. I was getting ready to start my last to class, they were playing upbeat music and my friends and I were dancing next to our laptops. Jumping and laughing, just being silly and dancing “as if” we actually had rhythm. I got a text thinking it was one of my friends asking what class I was in, or telling me my dancing skills were “the bomb”. I pulled my phone out to a see a text from my husband that read:
Just got word that Mia the little girl with transplant failure is brain dead, from lack of oxygen when her heart stopped, the donors Mother is coming to see her for the first time. She was suppose to see her for the first time next month. The Doctors told her Dad John there is not hope for improvement. All we can do is pray for a miracle.
I read it… I just froze. I read it again my hands began to tremble and I was just over come with emotion. My friends were looking at me, all I could do was hand them the phone … there is nothing to say in a moment like that. I have never even met Mia but that did not matter… she was a heart baby and that alone made her part of my family. It took me right back to the days and months we spent in the hospital with my son while trying to get him well. To many times I had to watch families say goodbye to there sweet little ones. I have been able to bury those emotions, but they all came back and just consumed me.
With hands trembling I could not even find the words to text back… I went into the hall to try and pull myself together. I sat on the floor, I was numb I just stared down the hallway. This is one of my greatest fears since my son was born missing half his heart and each day is a gift. I went to my room, where I could let the tears flow freely. I fell to my knees in prayer, as much as my own heart was aching and I was overcome with emotion I knew that my heartache was nothing compared to what Mia’s parents must feel.
Shortly after that Mia’s Mom updated their page:
“Heaven will soon be sweeter. Our precious daughter Mia will be reunited with her donor tomorrow after she is taken off life support. We are devastated and wish this was not happening. It all seems like a terrible nightmare. We will be sad for a very long time, and will miss her everyday. She was the happiest, sweetest little girl, and there will be a hole in all of our hearts. The children are very sad and just want her to wake up. We are in agony and are trying to hold it together for sake of our other children. We are so thankful for all of your love and support and have truly felt it. The pain is too much for my soul, but your prayers are being felt.”
I did not sleep at all that night, I caught a taxi at 4:45 am and had a long 6+ hour plane trip home. My heart was aching and my arms were empty, I needed my family and they were thousands of miles away. Once on the plane I pulled my hat down low to cover my eyes and silently sobbed the whole way home. Once I finally got home I just snuggled my babies all afternoon, and even climbed into bed that night with my son Matthew (age 10). He asked me why I was “squeezing” him so much and I just said ” Because Mommies arms have been empty and it makes my heart happy to hold you”.
He feel asleep and it was time for me to start blogging, reading emails, and finding deals. I have had 48 hours to try and wrap my brain around what just happened. I have been in constant prayer asking for direction and I have honestly thought about never blogging again… I just want to spend every second I have with my family. I do not want to live in fear, but I do not want to regret my choices either. BUT then a quite peace came over me and I remembered WHY I started this blog 4 years ago. It was to help others, to pay it forward to other “heart moms” that loved me and took care of me in my darkest hour. Being a Mother to a child with a heart problem can be a very lonely and scary place. But thru the strength of others I was able to make it.
I realized I have a large platform thanks to my blog. Sure we talk about deals, but I have always said “Mom first, Thrifty Mom second”. I enjoy saving money but my family is my PASSION that is where my true happiness comes from. I am here to let EVERY HEART MOM know you are not alone! It is not easy in fact some days it seems nearly impossible to get through. But because of that we celebrate and thank the Lord for EVERY DAY we are given with our children. Each day is a gift, and sweet little Mia reminded us all of that.
My new goal is to start bringing you more stories about being a Heart Mom and organ donation. Did you know that 35,000 infants (1 out of every 125) will be born with heart defects each year in the United States. So when the rain clouds come to some of you and you find out your precious little one has a “special heart” you will know you are not alone!
If you can please think about making a donation to help Mia’s Family, no amount is to small.
What is a Mommy Moment, click here