Ever since I was a little girl I have always wanted to be a mommy. I would play with my baby dolls long into the night, then tuck them into bed with me. Then dream of how fun it would to be a real Mom someday. When I was older and I started looking for “my prince charming”, it was very important that he share the desire to have a family as well.
When I gave birth to my oldest son Matthew, Matt and I were over joyed to start our dream of becoming parents. Little Matthew was cute as could be and everything I dreamed he would be. At the moment life was perfect…. Within hours we found out our tiny perfect son was a very sick little boy. He was literally missing the whole left side of his heart (hypoplastic left heart syndrome to read more click here. ) Our whole life changed in an instant, he was whisked off to another state via life flight for surgery to try save his life.
My perfect little fairy tail dream was shattered, it left me shaking my head wondering how or why this happened to my family. Life over the next three years was constantly in and out of hospitals all over the west. Fourteen heart surgery’s, and months in the hospital trying to get my sweet baby well.
As other moms were dressing their baby’s up to go to the store, I was trying to keep our home “germ free” and away from the outside world. As other children drink a bottle, I was placing NG tubes down my sons nose so he could eat because he was too weak to eat. As other children laughed my son gasped for air, do to the strain on his tiny heart. I watched so many other family’s in the hospital loose their children, at times I wonder if I could really make it through on more day…but I learned to take it one moment at a time.
Yet in my heartache I found joy. I cherished every day with my son, realizing that life is a gift. I loved him more than I had ever loved anything. His smiles melted my heart, the twinkle in his eye gave me the energy to face the next challenge. I celebrated each achievement no matter how small, I learned what is really important to me, and that was my family. Good or bad, I was willing to take it just as long as it allowed me another day with him. Every night as I put my tiny son to bed I would plead with the Lord for one more day, kiss him then kiss him again just in case that was my last chance I had.
Matthew is doing well now, but it is ALWAYS in the back of my mind that each day is a gift, and my prayers are still offered each night asking for anther day. I am far from perfect and having a child with special needs is a bit overwhelming at times, sometimes I forget or loose track of what is really important, But it has given me a whole new way to look at life.
I have learned that life is full of moments good or bad, happy and sad…I call these My Mommy Moments. The first time your baby laughs, or smiles it only lasts a moment, so cherish it. When your kids want to have snuggle time and read a book, do it because it will only last a moment. Just spend time with them, love them and treat each moment like it may be your last. It also gives me the strength to get through the not so happy moments, like when you wake up to a screaming baby and you are beyond exhausted, or when all 4 kids are sick, crying and you still have dinner to cook, bills to pay, a house to clean. Or when they pour a whole gallon of milk on the sofa (yes that really happened to me) …..it is ok because I try to remind myself that is will only last a moment and I can make it!
I am going to make this a weekly feature on my blog, and I hope you take this chance to join in and share your own Mommy Moments. So I invite you so share your Mommy Moments each week, good, bad, silly, sad, uplifting, hilarious….what ever they may be. Write them down, take photos and try to remember each moment is a gift!