It is a new month so time for a new series. In my personal life this past year I have watched several marriages crumble and end in divorce. Some of them just starting out, others that have been together 40 years. Each one of these has been heartbreaking for me to watch, and leaves me shaking my head in unbelief. These are people I admire, that at one time were deep in love, and leaves me asking the question how did this happen? One thing is for certain if you are not working on your marriage, and your relationship and think divorce is something that only happens to other people….then you are wrong. It can happen to any one. If there is a silver lining to these break ups, it has made me cherish my marriage even more and strive to keep it strong. (Yes I know sometimes it is best for people to get out of a bad relationship, that is not what I am addressing. I am talking about people that simply fall out of love)
I am far from an expert in love, and I am sure Dr. Phil could give you some great advice. But I have been married 10+ years and can honestly say I am head over heals in love with Matt. I adore him in every way, I love him more now than I did the day I married him. There is no one else I would rather spend my day with, than my best friend who happens to be my Husband too. That being said, some days we really get on each others nerves, we do not communicate as well as we should….and well we just do not like each other much. This is normal, it does not matter how much you love someone, we are only human and differences will arise. The key is loving each other despite your differences.
When I first got married I was so blissfully in love, Matt could do no wrong. I loved pampering him, and who cares if he did not take his plate to the sink….I loved taking care of him. Fast forward a few years down the road… Add a few kids in the picture and all of a sudden I am resenting a habit I taught him to do. Thinking, ” Good grief I am NOT your mother, pick up your plate”…… He is clueless and wondering why his sweet little wife is so crabby all the time. He would ask me what was wrong, and I would say, “nothing”. Thinking he would read between the lines and see that I was overwhelmed and NOT ok. But instead he took my “nothing” as it was and assumed everything was in fact fine. It took some time to realize this cycle did not work, and communication was the key to us having a happy marriage.
I learned that I can not change Matt, my negative actions and words only poison a relationship. In this world the only person I can change or control is myself. But I also have the power to love, uplift and inspire. When Matts “emotional cup” is full, he is then able to fill my emotional cup as well. Talking about and learning one another’s love language is critical ( the book The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman is a great resource) . One of the biggest mistake I have made is trying to show Matt love the way I want to be shown. But I learned I feel love much different than he does. Out of the five love languages I value: Acts of Service, Quality Time . Where Matt on the other hand values: Physical Touch, Words of Affirmation and Receiving Gifts.
This is something I have to work on everyday, and yes it takes effort. But a wonderful investment, because in return I get someone who understands me, loves me and makes everyday easier knowing I have my best friend at my side.
I know many people feel Valentines Day is too commercial and does not really mean much because it is just one day. So my challenge for your all this month is to fall in love again in 28 days. Over the month of February, I challenge you to do put aside any issues or thoughts of what you want back in return. For the next 28 days, daily show a random act of love. DO NOT TELL them why you are doing it or how long it will last, just make sure that you do it daily. If you want to report back as to how it was received, and what you plan to do next. You can spend as little or as much as you want….but being that we are Thrifty, most of these ideas are free…. being that love is an emotion that is earned not purchased.
Here a a few ideas of what you can do, and please share your ideas as well:
- Flirt with your husband daily
- Have a candle light dessert after the kids are in bed
- Read a good book together
- Watch a movie you both enjoy, and hold hands while watching it
- Have a spa day at home
- Give him a fun little message on his phone, that is unexpected
- Smile at him…. all day.
- Give him a wink, and let him know he still “lights your fire”
- Write him a note, telling him how much you love him
- Send a love letter with his lunch
- Send a love letter, in his pocket that he will find later
- Write him a message on the bathroom mirror
- Get a $1 store shower curtain, and cover it with hearts and love notes and hang it up for an early morning surprise
- Give him a hug, and hold on just a little longer than normal
- Listen to him talk about what is on his mind, or what excites him (even if it is video games, politics, hunting or something you care less about,)
- Give him a foot rub
- Get a baby sitter and go on a date (something I hope you are doing a few times a month anyway)
- After the kids are in bed, sneak outside and watch the stars snuggled up in a double sleeping bag
What are your ideas? What are your experiences at the 28 Days of Random Acts of Love – good or bad…
At the end of the month, one random comment will win a $25 gift card to spend on your self or make a special date…
Leave your comment on this post: