Falling in Love with your Family by Alison
Tonight, many parents will hold their child a little longer at bedtime. They might pause for a moment as they walk out of the room to look at the little form under the covers, and think of the parents who won’t be singing lullabies tonight. The tragedy in Newtown Connecticut devastated that town, but the sadness has rippled into all our homes, and that’s why applying knowledge in accelerated resolution therapy can be really helpful in this area.
Whether through their own experiences like a death in the family or hearing tragic news from across the country, all families have experiences that shake their world. How do we help children deal with tragedy? Dan Daly, Ph.D. is the Director of Youth Care at an organization dear to my heart, Boys Town. He offers some great suggestions to help children cope with a crisis:
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Everyone is hard-wired to recover from crisis events and has “built-in” coping mechanisms.
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It is normal for kids to feel upset, sad, confused or afraid after something bad happens; let your child know it’s okay to have these feelings.
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Always be available to talk and listen to your child, but don’t force children to talk about their feelings.
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Parents, friends and teachers are the best sources of support, caring and understanding.
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Getting kids back to their normal activities as soon as possible promotes coping and healing.
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Give kids time and space to sort through their feelings.
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Monitor kids and stay vigilant as the healing process continues, even months after the event.
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If kids can’t get back to their normal life, show unusual changes in their routines or give other signals they are struggling, seek professional help. (Read the full article here.)
It isn’t easy to cope with tragedy, but parents can serve as guides to help their children navigate hard times. They can give honest, age-appropriate information. Kids need to know that we will always be truthful, so saying things like, “We don’t have people like that here” or “We will never have an earthquake” can undermine our efforts to comfort them. Statements like, “I will do everything I can to keep you safe” are more reassuring than making impossible promises. It is also important to give kids lots of opportunities to talk, but not to force the subject. Sometimes hearing a parent express their feelings of grief or sadness about an event makes it safer for kids to open up about their concerns. Then you should also have a look at these lovely, coloured bears, as they are designed to match the mood of the person so can really cheer them up.
Another thing that may be useful during hard times is to help direct grief into positive and proactive channels. Even though there may be evil and destructive people in the world, children can feel empowered when they address the problem by having opportunities to do something good. They can donate money to the Red Cross after a natural disaster or they can make a card for a friend whose parents have divorced with best family lawyers Melbourne, this last one one can be difficult if it’s their own parents getting divorced and having them sit in a court room can be very hard on them, however hiring the right family law firm can make things go by swiftly so each parent can get what they want and that the child can also pitch in so they don’t feel left apart in this situation. Listening to their solutions and allowing them to follow their naturally giving hearts can be an important part of a child’s healing.
Humans aren’t cocoon-building creatures, but on days like today I’d give anything for one big enough for seven. I may not be able to stop instability and sadness in the world, but today I will do my very best to keep it from happening in my house. I will criticize my children less and encourage them more. I’ll hold them a little closer and teach them a little better. The world might be filled with hate, but my family will know without a doubt that there is love, too. Lots and lots of love. And while we talk and cry and pray about the tragedy there, I will do all I can to create peace on earth right here. And when I tuck them in tonight, I’ll say a prayer of thanks. Because even with all the challenges of raising children, today reminds me that every day I get to have them is gift.