About Us 
I am a stay at home mom with four wonderful kids. I have been married for over 10 years to my best friend. I am head over heels in love with him. He always supports my crazy "thrifty adventures". We have a lot of fun together.
I was raised on a small dairy farm. Where I learned very young, the value of hard work and how to be thrifty in all areas of life. Growing up our meals were made from scratch. Only on special occasion would we get name brand cereal, chips, or any other fancy treats. Now that I am a Mom with my own budget, the basic foods always comes first. I too make most of our meals from scratch and take pride in feeding my family a well balanced healthy diet.
I enjoy seeing how far I can make our budget stretch, and when I take the time to match sales with coupons I am able to get all those "fun & fancy" items that would other wise be out of my budget. Being thrifty has always been a way of life for me, but it has also become a real joy.
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Falling in Love with your Family by Alison
In a Nutshell: State expectations instead of asking Stupid Parent Questions
 (By Bill Watterson)
Does this scenario sound familiar? Maybe a little too familiar? Most parents could easily qualify for the SPQ Hall of Fame. What?! You’ve never heard of this elite recognition? SPQ’s are Stupid Parent Questions and I’ve earned my share of fame in the past 14 years. I don’t know where SPQ’s come from, but they must be programmed into our DNA because parents use them almost universally. You’ve probably heard variations on these common ones:
Where do you think you are going in those shorts!?!
How many times have I told you to close the door behind you!?!
Do you think money grows on trees!?!
Do you want to go to time-out!?!
Why did you color on mommy’s wall!?!
What am I going to do with you!?!
SPQ’s practically beg, “Pleeaasse…pretty pretty pleeaasse …answer with a smart-aleck remark!” If you ask your child, “How many times do I have to tell you to finish your homework?” don’t be shocked and appalled if they answer, “79.” Really, how can a kid resist it? What did you expect?
Generally, SPQ’s can be rephrased as statements of expectation. A child misbehaving at the park shouldn’t hear over and over from a bench-glued parent, “Do you want to go home!?!” Instead Mom could go to the misbehaving child, look her firmly in the eye and say, “Stop throwing sand. That hurts eyes. If you play nicely, we’ll stay at the park.” Then if one more grain of sand flies, the kid is loaded in the car.
For another example, imagine a child playing video games instead of taking out the trash as he’s been asked. Dad walks into the room and says, “What are you doing!?!” The child is obviously playing video games, as even the most technology-challenged adult could see. Simply state an expectation: “You need to take out the trash before you play games.” Or, if this is a pattern, impose a consequence: “Because you chose to play instead of taking out the trash, you’ll need to wait until tomorrow to use your game system again.”
Be direct, consistent, and calm by stating expectations, not sarcastic, exasperated, and a little on the dippy side by constantly asking questions that have no real answers. SPQ’s generally just invite confrontation and put more emphasis on the wrong behavior instead of on the expectation of good behavior. Recognize when you use SPQ’s, and be done with them. Besides, how many times do I have to tell you? They make parents sound pretty dumb.
Fess up! What are your best Stupid Parent Questions? Make a comment below.
With Valentines Day coming up next week, Love is in the air! We all tend to try and figure out what love is and how to express it. What gifts are you thinking about getting? How are you going to express your love? Is it a Love Coupon? Or maybe some chocolate, or candies?
How about showing it with a mathematical equation! Google has figured out how to show love with math. Wanna see?
- Go to Google.com in Google Chrome web browser
- Then in the search bar copy and paste:
- sqrt(cos(x))*cos(300x)+sqrt(abs(x))-0.7)*(4-x*x)^0.01, sqrt(6-x^2), -sqrt(6-x^2) from -4.5 to 4.5
- and Hit Enter!
Show your love by showing how “smart you are” and that you still remember how to do college math!
Falling in Love with your Family by Alison
When my older sister was a new mom, overwhelmed and worried about her new responsibilities, our Grandma boiled down decades of experience to one piece of advice, “Oh, just feed him and love him.” True, this childcare tip doesn’t include instructions on what to do when the baby’s diaper explodes clear up to his neck in biologically impossible ways, but maybe it is more complete than it seems.
On February 14 we celebrate love, or at least society’s materialistic version of it complete with sequins nighties on display in every store and paper cards with sentiments kids hope won’t be taken literally. But what would happen if on Valentines Day, for one day, we truly focused on just loving? There are times for hefty consequences for children and division of labor summits with our spouse. There are times to focus in on problem behaviors and to check off job charts. But for one day, maybe we can just get back to the very basics of family life, and just feed them and love them.
Religions across the globe have as one of their most basic tenants to love and serve others. Perhaps we are taught to love not only because it is so good for others, but because it is so good for us! When we are focused on loving our child, we may be more likely to smile and chuckle at a two-year old trying to get dressed, instead of harming our physical and emotional health by getting all worked up with impatience. We are more likely to try to see things from our spouse’s perspective during an argument, and focus on solving the problem instead of winning the battle. When love is our motivating factor, we’re less likely to scream at kids to get out of the kitchen and leave us alone while we make heart-shaped cupcakes with “Love” piped onto the frosting. Even if we don’t think through the bitter ironies of the situation, choosing selfishness always leaves us feeling empty and unfulfilled. When we focus on loving others, our attitude is better, our words are milder, and our relationships take on a sweetness that blesses every aspect of our lives.
Loving others is easy when…well…when we love them. It is much harder to be loving when we don’t especially feel loving. It is so helpful to remember that the feeling of love is not always the same as the verb love. There are often great results when we choose to behave in loving ways, even when we may not feel lots of love right then. In a radio address given during the dark days of WWII, philosopher C.S. Lewis had profound advice for his listeners:
“The rule for all of us is perfectly simple. Do not waste time bothering whether you ‘love’ your neighbor; act as if you did. As soon as we do this we find one of the great secrets. When you are behaving as if you loved someone, you will presently come to love him. If you injure someone you dislike, you will find yourself disliking him more. If you do him a good turn, you will find yourself disliking him less.” (In Mere Christianity, Book 3 Chapter 9)
This certainly applies to our closest neighbors, our families. There is always room in relationships for a little more love. So on Valentines Day, put away plans at reforming your spouse, changing your children, and getting your way. Disregard correcting table manners, reminding kids to button up coats, and lecturing spouses on toenail clippings. Keep it simple. Just love them and feed them.
Falling in Love with your Family by Alison
One of the most important characteristics of a happy family is the ability to play together. Any holiday is a good excuse for a party, but Valentines Day is an especially appropriate time to put a little effort into making your family feel special. Sometime in February, have a fun party for the whole family. Here are some ideas for a super-thrifty Valentines Day Celebration!
Food
You don’t have to spend any more money on a Valentines Day meal, just think pink and heart-shaped.
Breakfast: Make a pink strawberry smoothie, French Toast cut with a heart cookie cutter, or heart-shaped biscuits.
Lunch: Cut out sandwiches with heart cookie cutters. If you have different sizes, cut the bread with a large heart, ham or turkey with a medium heart, and cheese with a small heart. Stack them together for a fun, open-face sandwich.
Dinner: Try your favorite meatloaf recipe on a cookie sheet, shaped like a heart. Or, make a homemade pizza with heart-shaped dough. Even a dinner of canned tomato soup can be dressed up with homemade or store-bought breadstick dough shaped like a heart.
Dessert: Anything looks fancy layered in tall glasses! Try alternating layers of brownie bits, French Vanilla pudding, and cherry pie filling; yogurt, granola, and strawberries; or angel food cake, real whipped cream, and raspberries.
Put on a tablecloth, sprinkle conversation hearts around the table, and light some candles. I love how little eyes sparkle in candlelight!
Games
(For younger kids)
Heart Attack: Cut out paper hearts from colorful Valentines paper or cardstock, then cut them in half with zigzags, curvy lines, etc. Mix up all the halves and let them put the heart puzzles together.
Love Bag: Glue or decoupage small pictures of family members on cardboard, foam board, or heavy paper. Laminate them if you have access to a machine. Put them in a bag and take turns picking a picture. Tell something you love about each person as their picture is drawn.
Make Pink Butter: Before dinner, put 1 cup of cream and a couple drops of red food coloring in a pint jar. Screw the lid on tight. Then take turns shaking it. After several minutes, solid butter will form, surrounded by liquid. Discard the liquid and empty the butter into a dish. Salt lightly and enjoy on your heart-shaped biscuits or breadsticks. This is a great way to keep little hands busy while you cook!
(For older kids)
Girl’s Name, Boy’s Name: Each person is given a paper. On the top of the page, write the name of any girl (it works best if the people playing all know who she is). Fold the paper down so the name is covered. Pass the paper to the left. Without peeking under the first fold of your new paper, write any boy’s name below the first fold. Fold over the boy’s name and pass the paper. Repeat for these categories: Where they were, What they were doing, What she said, What he said, How it all ended.
After everyone writes each answer, pass one more time, then take turns unfolding the papers and reading the crazy stories. (As the paper gets passed around, you just may end up with Vanna White and Justin Bieber at Yellowstone National Park, knitting. “How much are snow cones?” she asks. “I think I’ll cut my toenails tomorrow, ” he replies. They end up buying a pig farm and become amateur photographers.) We loved to play this when we were little!
Poor Kitty: This quick game is a favorite around our house when we need a good laugh. Sit in a circle, one person in the middle. He is the Kitty. The Kitty goes up to one person in the circle and mews, three times, and tries to make the person laugh. After each mew, the person has to pat Kitty on the head and say, “Poor Kitty” without laughing. The others in the circle are the judges. If the person laughs, they are the Kitty. If they don’t laugh, the Kitty chooses another person to mew to. Here are some of the Kitty faces some of my kids (and a couple cousins) came up with the last time we played. (Warning: Objects in this picture are much cuter than they appear!)
 Poor Kitties, Indeed! Hopefully this will help jump-start your plans for a wonderfully thrifty Valentines Party for your whole family! Add your comments below and share your plans to make Valentines Day fun!
Falling in Love with your Family by Alison
In a Nutshell: Good Parenting can be symbolized by Windows for Light, Walls for Structure, Doors for Protection, and Stairs for Progress.
January is almost gone and some of us are struggling with disappointment over failed resolutions that seemed so easy on December 31. If I was in charge of the world, I’d call for a huge party the first day of every month. We’d all pull out the funny hats and noisemakers, put the old month behind us, and start over again with a fresh slate. Has your family made much progress this month? Guess what! It’s almost a new month, and you can do better! Here is a bit of a recap of some of the principles we’ve addressed in the last couple months on this blog, and some new areas to consider. To help in this review, let’s compare parenting to the structure of a house: Windows for Light, Walls for Structure, Doors for Protection, and Stairs for Progress.
Windows for Light
 Can you imagine a house without windows? How would it feel to live there? Many families are living in the emotional equivalent of a home without windows because of the conflict, sarcasm, criticism, or general grumpiness inside. What’s the solution to a drab and dreary house? Push back the curtains, pull up the blinds, and throw open the window. Let in some light!
How do you let in more light? Overwhelm negative interactions with positive ones. In fact, for every negative comment, look, or conversation, we need to have at least 4 positive interactions with our kids. Start by showing your appreciation and giving attention to what kids are doing right. 99% of all appropriate child behavior goes completely ignored! Giving attention to good behavior increases the likelihood that it will be repeated. Being positive can be simple: “Thanks for playing so nice.” “I’m glad you’re home safe.” “How did you do that?” “Show me again!” Smile, pat them on the back, give high fives, listen when kids are talking nicely. It only takes a couple seconds every hour, but the results will be nothing less than miraculous!
If you start noticing that home is feeling a little dark and dreary, you may find that there is a little too much “You forgot the trash. Pick up your shoes. You smell. Stop it! Listen to me!” and not enough “You’re great. Thanks. I love you. I’m so lucky to be your mom.” Let the light shine through the windows of your home by having more positive interactions than negative ones.
Let the light in by having more fun. Oh, we parents can be a serious bunch! So much to do, no time to laugh. I can’t swing, there are dishes to do. I can’t run through the sprinkler, it makes too much laundry. Be careful! You’re going to fall out of that tree! What would happen to the feeling in your home if you decided it was okay to take time to laugh? To play tag with little kids and start water fights with older ones? To dance around with your children and let them make messes in the front room?
When you go home today, look at your windows. Enjoy the warmth that shines through them. And remember, a happy home has plenty of light.
Walls for Structure
 How safe would a house be if it were made completely of windows? In order to have a secure and happy home, we also need Walls for Structure. A few years ago, my then three-year-old prayed, “Please help the kids to obey their mommies. And PLEASE HELP THE MOMMIES TO OBEY THEIR KIDS!” In today’s society, it seems too many parents think their job is to obey their kids. Paranoid about self-esteem, they forget to correct misbehavior. Afraid of a tantrum, they forget to say NO. We weaken our children by teaching that they can always have their way or that rules do not apply if we are too tired or too busy to enforce them.
How do we create appropriate Walls for Structure? Be Consistent! Kids are smart. If you are trying to teach a child to stay in their bed, it doesn’t work to get them seven drinks of water one night, and then crack down the next. If a child breaks curfew on Friday, it doesn’t teach them anything to hand them the keys to go out and break curfew again on Saturday. Stick to your rules and apply consequences if the rules are broken. If your kid throws a fit about a consequence, relax! It just means that you found an appropriately motivating consequence.
Consequences should be given out in a calm way. When children see a hysterical mother-monster yelling at them, they go into fight-or-flight survival mode. They are too distracted by the anger in your eyes to listen to the great lesson you are trying to get through to them. If you want your kids to listen, talk quietly. If you want your kids to remember what you say, use fewer words. If you want them to remember to behave, follow through every time with an appropriate consequence.
Walls in the home don’t need to be scary or harsh, they just need to be strong. Your children will thrive in an environment of Structure. Achieving a balance between Windows for Light and Walls for Structure will help you create a happy home.
Doors for Protection
 This time of year, I’m constantly reminding kids to close the door to keep the cold out. But there is more than cold air trying to get past your door. Businesses are intent on making billions of dollars at the expense of our families. For example:
The average child spends 900 hours per year in school and 1500 hours per year watching TV. They spend more time watching TV and consuming media than they spend doing anything else other than sleeping, including more time than they spend with you. Every day, there are 68 million searches for pornography on the internet, 25% of all searches (see stats at http://www.csun.edu/science/health/docs/tv&health.html). Are any of those search results coming into your house through your computers and devices?. It is up to parents to stand at the door and growl at the media influences and materialism trying to enter our homes.
As you go home through your door today, resolve to only allow things in that will strengthen your family, and lock the door to the rest. Doors are for Protection.
Stairs for Progress
 How bright are the windows in your home? How stable are the walls? Are your doors locked? I hope no one looks around their house and bursts into tears! It is easy to get overwhelmed and down on ourselves about what is not going well. That’s why there are Stairs for Progress.
Have you ever been in new construction before the stairs are put in? It’s quite a leap from the first to the second floor. It’s not fair to expect anyone to make it in one step. That’s why we have stairs! We may not be able to instantly change bad habits and get where we want to be, but we can take each step individually and gradually climb higher as we create a happy home.
If you lose your temper with a tantruming two-year-old today, tomorrow say “I’ll talk to you when your voice is as sweet as mine.” If you are a pushover with your bedtime routine tonight, tomorrow night say “No more sippy cups.” If you told your teenager his hair looks hideous today, vow to give him a hug tomorrow. Forgive yourself! Move on! Make goals and reward yourself for improvements. Strengthening and saving your family is worth it. Things can get better, starting today, with Windows for Light, Walls for Structure, Doors for Protection, and Stairs for Progress.
Falling in Love with your Family by Alison
In a Nutshell: Join in the fun to encourage children to play creatively.
In order to write a post for this week, I needed to get my three-year-old and his little friend involved in an activity. Instead of the post I intended to write, I thought they were so cute I decided to share pictures of their distraction. We put up the play tents, gathered up all the stuffed animals, and filled play purses with pennies. Then we took turns being the Pet Shop Owner and Customer. As I tried to buy the baby jaguar, Brigham informed me that it only likes to eat broccoli. His friend asked, “Do you have enough water for this?” when I purchased the dolphin. It seems that most animals nowadays go for around $10.00. I thought that was a pretty thrifty deal for exotic pets! As they bought and sold, I slipped into the adjoining room. They’re still going strong.
I’ve found a secret to getting kids involved in an activity…play with them! Start making a road for cars out of blocks, putting together a puzzle, or putting all the baby dolls to bed. Enjoy the fun for a few minutes, and then let them continue on while you get other things done. I love the times I can just play and play and play, but other times I really need them to be independent. It almost never works just to say, “Why don’t you play with the trains?” But when I start the locomotives around the track and add some chugging noises, they (*almost*) always jump in. Have fun!
Join in! What are your favorite ways to get kids involved with something creative?
Falling in Love with your Family by Alison
In a Nutshell: Say what you mean, and say it without whining
I once babysat two kids I didn’t know well who only stopped whining long enough to eat a snack and take enough quick breaths to sustain their complaining. They must have been practicing the high-pitched tone, the I-just-ate-a-pickle-face, and the scrunched up posture especially for our day together, because they had it down. I endured the day, and eagerly awaited their mother’s arrival. As they were fighting with her about getting ready to leave, I heard a high-pitched voice say, “You guuuuyyys! Knock it oooofff! Get in the car now.” Like an unwelcome flashback, I heard the same whiny voice I’d been trying to block out all day, but this time it was coming from momma.
After that babysitting day from you know where, I was more aware of the similarities between the voice tone used by adults, and the voice tone used by their kids. And (gulp) I became more aware of how my own whiny voice came back to haunt me through my kids.
 Do you ever sound like this poor, under-appreciated buzzard? When a child doesn’t clean their room, do you simply set a reward/consequence for their choice, or do you say something like, “I work so hard to keep this whole house clean! You guys don’t even care what I do around here. You can’t even keep one tiny little room clean. You expect me to do everything.” It may be true, but it is a certified parent whine. At times it can be useful to have a good heart to heart with a child who needs to understand your perspective, but the martyr attitude accomplishes nothing. Instead of whining, be direct. If a child talks back, don’t launch into a tragic soliloquy about your 19-hour labor without any pain medication, just repeat your instruction and let the consequences finish teaching. If kids complain about dinner, don’t start into how you’re dead on your feet but still sacrificed to put food on their plates, just ignore the junk talk or be creative (one friend, fed-up with dinner whining, fed her teenagers oatmeal for dinner for a week!).
How do you handle whining from kids?
1. Monitor your own voice tone, facial expressions, and body language. Don’t mirror the whine. Remember…you’re the grown-up!
2. Do not answer questions put forward in a whiny voice, or give children anything they whine for.
3. Set expectations and be direct. Here’s some ideas: “I can’t understand what you want when you ask that way.” “Let’s try that again in your big boy voice.” “We can talk about that when you’re using a respectful voice.” My very favorite line to use with little kids is: “I’ll talk to you when your voice is as sweet as mine.” I like it because it reminds both of us not to whine!
Falling in Love with your Family by Alison
In a Nutshell: Using consistent Natural or Logical Consequences for children’s misbehavior is fair and effective.
Last week’s post on not yelling at kids got some interesting Facebook comments. There are lots of ways to have a successful family, but there is a common misconception that parents have to choose between yelling and hitting or letting kids grow up spoiled and unruly. (For more information on this see the post on Authoritarian, Permissive, and Authoritative Parenting.) The reason parents usually yell is to try to correct misbehavior. Can I offer another solution? Using consequences instead of yelling can teach the child, preserve the relationship, and save your voice.
In your GPS (Gain Perspective Session), take your notebook and make a list of things your kids do to misbehave and otherwise drive you crazy. Next to the behavior, write what currently happens after that misbehavior. Be honest with yourself! Maybe some entries would look like this…
Behavior Consequence
Spencer hits his sister and makes her cry I tell him hitting is wrong and then spank him
Chloe won’t get dressed for school I yell at her from downstairs three times and threaten to leave her
Once you have your list, look it over with analytical eyes. Do you have an effective consequences in place? Or are your kids mostly getting nagged, chewed-out, threatened, hit, and guilt-tripped when they misbehave? Do you beg them to stop but never follow through? If you need a bit of fine tuning, here are some guidelines to help develop a system of consequences.
Natural Consequences: Consequences parents allow to happen, but do not create. They come from the environment, society, or nature.
Examples:
1) Your son won’t put on his coat to play outside in the snow = He gets cold
2) A child won’t complete homework assignments = Their teacher has them miss recess
3) You ask a child to leave a toy in the car so it doesn’t get lost = The toy gets lost in the store
These situations are just examples, and sometimes these misdeeds may require more intervention than described (for example, you wouldn’t let your toddler go away on a sledding trip without a coat). But parents should never miss a chance to let a child learn a lesson from the “real world.” Natural Consequences often take patience because we sometimes have to sit back and wait for the lesson to be learned. When the consequence comes, it is hard to let the consequence do the talking, instead of saying, “I told you so!” A simple empathetic statement like, “I’m sorry you got cold” or “I’m sorry you left your book in the rain” will suffice.
There are some obvious times when using Natural Consequences isn’t very bright, like when a child runs in front of a car or wants to drink cleaning supplies. There are also times when there really isn’t a Natural Consequence that applies. That’s where Logical Consequences come into play.
Logical Consequences: Consequences that are connected to the misbehavior and make sense.
Examples:
1) Your daughter leaves her bike out in the driveway repeatedly = Lock up her bike for a predetermined length of time.
2) Your sons make a huge mess in their room = Suspend TV until the room is clean
3) Your teenage daughter came home two hours late = She doesn’t get the car for the next two weeks
Again, these are just ideas to help you think about the Logical connections you can make for misbehavior. For behaviors you see all the time, teach your child ahead of time what they can expect if they choose to misbehave. Then, when the bike is left out again, you don’t have to yell at your child how ungrateful they are for misusing such an expensive gift or ask them senseless questions like, “How many times have I told you not to leave your bike in the driveway?!?” Let the consequence do the teaching. The bike gets locked up. When the child complains or breaks down, you can just smile sympathetically, pat them on the head, and say, “I’m sorry you chose to leave your bike out.” Episode over.
Try It Today: In your notebook, write down some ideas of consequences for common misbehavior you know you’ll see. If you find yourself starting to yell at your kids, put yourself in time-out for a minute or two and think of a Natural or Logical Consequence that would teach the lesson more effectively…and save your voice!
Leave a comment about the Natural or Logical Consequences that work best at your house!
Falling in Love with your Family by Alison
In a Nutshell: If you want your children to hear what you say, don’t yell.
Over Christmas Break, in the spirit and giving and receiving, I picked up a nasty virus that has wiped out my voice. I can only muster up a croaky little whisper. As I whisper my questions and instructions to my family, I am reminded of a very true principle: People generally respond back in the same tone in which they are addressed. I am amazed at how many times in the last few days I have asked a child something in a little whisper and they have responded back in a little whisper. Even my ultra-boisterous three-year-old responds in a tiny voice. They are still yelling loud enough to be heard in a remote corner of Canada when they are playing with each other, but when I ask quietly, they tend to respond quietly.
Most parents are yellers. By nature, I’m a yeller too, and I have worked my whole life to cool down my hot head. Parenting is just such a frustrating adventure at times that it seems my best intentions to smile sweetly and speak kindly are easily thrown to the wind when my sons become a wrestling ball of destruction or I find my pajama-clad daughters combing their dolls’ hair when we’re 5 minutes late for school. But I have learned a couple things about kids brains that convinces me yelling is not the way to go. In fact, it’s pretty stupid. Here are just two reasons why…
1. Kids don’t learn when they are scared. If your child is worried about what the raving lunatic in front of them is going to do next, they are not hearing a word you say. When correcting a child, we want them to use reason and problem solving so they will learn from mistakes and improve. In the brain, this type of learning takes place in the in the frontal lobe. But when faced with anger, danger, or stress, the part of the brain that is active is the brain stem, responsible for the fight or flight response. Their minds are dealing with your anger and their fear, not with the reasons they should have behaved and their plans for future self-improvement. You have primed them to fight (yell, argue back, hit) or flight (withdraw physically or emotionally, shut down), but not to learn.
2. Children mirror our emotion. In studies, babies only days old make facial expressions that are modeled to them. They continue doing so through life. In fact, one theory maintains that we have literal “mirror neutrons” in our brains that fire both when we act and when we observe an action performed by someone else. Basically, the same response that causes us to flinch when someone else stubs their toe can cause children to reflect the angry emotions they observe. Not exactly what you want when the kid is already out of control!
The good news is we can use this response to our advantage. When you handle a misbehaving child, focus on what emotions you are displaying, both with your voice, facial expressions, and body language. When you model calmness in stressful situations, you are likely to help an angry child come up to your level, instead of the other way around.
Like I said in the first post, “I strongly believe there isn’t a punishment effective enough, or a discipline technique clever enough to make any real and lasting improvement without a fun, warm, nurturing, positive atmosphere.” If allow your temper to destroy relationships, you have lost your effectiveness as a parent. If you choose to yell your corrections to your child, it is for you. It is you venting your frustration. Don’t talk yourself into thinking that you are teaching, because they aren’t learning.
With all that said, most of will lose our cool this week. Most of us will today. We are a work in progress as much as our kids. Apologize, move on, and try harder tomorrow. And maybe, the next time your daughter decorates the cat in your favorite lip stick, or your teenager puts a car in the garage without opening the door first, you can remember their little brains and choose not to yell…so they can hear what you say.
Falling in Love with your Family by Alison
In A Nutshell: Happy Families take planning! Once month, have a GPS (Gain Perspective Session) to help you successfully navigate your way to a stronger family.
New Years is one of my favorite holidays because it embodies the principle of change. For that first week in January, it seems that anything is possible. Now is a great time to recommit to strengthening your family. Like most things that are worthwhile, it takes solid, consistent work to make things happen. This year, I hope you’ll join us on a fun and meaningful journey to a stronger family. To start with, you are going to need something very important…a GPS.
There is one topic I can truly speak authoritatively on–getting lost. I get disoriented in the mall, and I have taken 4 hour detours on road trips. I know lost. I’ve learned in order to actually reach a destination, there are three very important components to know: 1) Where you are now, 2) Where you want to go, and 3) How to get to there. The GPS (Global Positioning System) was invented for location-challenged people like me. My GPS tells me where I am with a little dot. It shows me my destination point. And it draws a nice line on the fastest route there. If you feel like you are wandering haphazardly through family life, a little overwhelmed or a little lost, try implementing a GPS.
GPS = Gain Perspective Session
The first challenge for 2012 is to implement a Gain Perspective Session. This is a 30 minute piece of time each month where you ask yourself where your family is now, where you want your family to be, and how you can get there. In between pancakes flying at breakfast and meltdowns at bedtime, most parents don’t feel like they have time to reflect, plan, and prepare for having a successful family. But having a “hope it all works out” approach to marriage and parenting is the equivalent of taking off on a road trip without any idea of where you are going and being surprised when you don’t make it. Once a month, the GPS is a time to reorient and recommit yourself to success.
Try it Today:
1) Choose a time and date that will work for your GPS. Write it on your calendar.
2) Get a notebook.
3) As a couple or by yourself, write answers to the following questions:
- Where are we? What is going well in our family? What are the specific problems we are facing?
- Where do we want to be? What kind of family culture would you like to create? What are your dreams for your family? What kind of marriage do you want to have?
- How can we get there? What resources can help deal with our problems? What ideas can we implement to address specific behaviors? How can we help individual children? What can we specifically do to strengthen our marriage?
4) Now, DO something! Make reminder cards to remember to praise your child and tape them to your mirrors. Pick up the phone and hire a babysitter for a date night. Go to the Library and check out books on getting your child to sleep better. Act on your good intentions. Check your plan often through the month to make sure you are still on track!
You’ve got to know where you are going in order to get there! Investing the time for a monthly GPS will help you arrive at the family life you are hoping for.
Happy New Year!
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