So this past week we watched that show on the Hallmark Hall of Fame movie night called the Lost Valentine. There was a part where she was being asked to marry her boyfriend and she was debating what to do. He was a photographer for some media company and traveled the world all the time. Not so much his job or even his personality was bad, but one comment stood out. He said “What – Am I supposed to change what I do?” He was trying to convince her to marry him, and she just couldn’t say yes. Later she fell in love with the grandson of the character Betty White was playing.
The whole point I wanted to bring up is the “I” verses “You or We” in a relationship. Now I will be the first to say I am not the perfect man nor husband. There are many times that “I” shows its ugly head in our relationship. I am sure every one of us can say the same. But that movie the other night made me think. No we shouldn’t change who we are or the core that make us who we are, we should be the best a person can be. And in my opinion that also means making the emphasis more of a “You or We” then what can be a detrimental thought of just “I”. So if that takes a slight shift in the “I” that makes us, so that it brings out more of the “You and We” then I feel that love will remain and become stronger and stronger.
When I was younger I wanted to be a fighter pilot. To this day I still would of liked to do that. But when I was about 13 or 14 I realized that doing that would take me away from my future family. I knew that would put a strain on any relationship. And I knew that I did not want to do that to my future wife or children. So I shifted to a different career path. Am I sad or feel like my family changed who I was? No. It was my choice. Everyday everyone changes. Our views now are not the same as they were yesterday, a year ago or even 10 years ago. It is human nature to adapt and change. When we put “I” ahead of our children or spouse, then we inhibit the growth of the relationship. So in the movie that old boyfriend of hers, he would of realized that if he wanted her, that he would have to make the shift to “You or We” and not leave her to wonder who was more important in his life.
So yes in a relationship we do need to change and adapt. Changing does not mean we change the personality we are. We do not change the core beliefs or our thought process. But we do change bits and pieces of our self to adapt to having a partner and children. And in my opinion that means changing from the comfortable, self gratifying, ego-boosting “I” to a compassionate, life loving, sharing, caring, peaceful, serving “You or We”
With Valentines Day coming near and we all think of things to get for our loved ones, maybe a simple change from less of “I” to something with more meaning like “You or even We” would be the perfect gift.